Lying to Children
A fictional father writes letters to his college-aged daughter and son remembering events, large and small, from their family’s past in the poignant and hilarious Lying to Children. In this collection of sometimes outrageous, sometimes sad, often heartwarming interconnected vignettes, author Alex Shahla enters the fray with a delightful confessional celebration of family life told in stories from a dad’s unique perspective. Centered around the untruths parents regularly tell their kids in an effort to protect (or silence) them—from “Daddy Loves his Job” to “There’s a Jolly Fat Man who Brings You Presents (Assembly Required)” —Lying to Children is an unforgettable familial history filled with laughter, tears, and life lessons, and brimming over with a somewhat-less-than-perfect suburban dad’s unwavering love.
Lying to Children is truly a not to be missed, one of a kind book! I literally could not stop laughing. Just when I thought I was done, I would read another quote that would have me laughing all over again. Quotes like:
"In the game of life, there are winners, there are losers, and then there are those people who are too stupid to find the stadium."
"Sorry to disappoint, kids, neither one of you was adopted. You are both members of my gene pool. And what a dirty pool it is."
Each chapter focuses on a different lie:
Daddy Loves his Job
We can't have a puppy
If I kiss it, it will make it better (I still believe in the power of a kiss makes boo boos better)
If you put a tooth under your pillow, a magical fairy will bring you money
There is a bunny who brings you presents on the day Jesus rose from the dead
If you eat too much candy, your teeth will fall out
You can be anything you want to be
There is a fat jolly man who brings you presents (assembly required)
The dog went to live on the farm with your goldfish where they'll have more room to run around
Those are Daddy's cookies
The enemy of your enemy is still your enemy
Daddy loves going to Grammy and Grandpa's house
The doctor is not going to hurt you
Always take the high road, because that is what I did
I'm happy you moved out of the house and are going to college
In each chapter, you will learn why Annabelle and Peter's father "lied" to them. Oh, and did you know that Elf on a Shelf actually works for Vladimir Putin. Yes, he is a Russian spy (he is evil). Plus, why do commercials for places like Sonic get advertised in areas that have no such places. Don't forget that a child's first word should not be "puppy" but maybe "goldfish".
There is so much more I could go on about this book but I will just leave it at you need to pick up a copy for yourself. You will not regret it. In fact, you will be thanking yourself that you made a smart choice.